Monday, October 26, 2009

Breaking the Cycle

So my husband didnt like the idea of locking up his food and I actually felt weird about it too.
Instead of locking the cupboard we just seperated our food.  I know it probably sounds strange but if my healthy shredded wheat cereal is within inches of his cocoa pebbles, well...I am going to want cocoa pebbles. Now, I know where the naughty cupboard is BUT...I am less inclined to go WHERE I HAVE GONE BEFORE AND REGRETED IT (LOL!).

Emotional eating is an addiction. You cant just stop one day. I have discovered that you have to get to the root of the problem otherwise you will keep turning to your old ways. This last week has been spent investigating my behavior in the last year and really trying to understanding what is going on in my mind and heart.

I am determined to be healthier for the right reasons and the only way is to STOP putting bandaides on things.

The Culprit:
-Being depressed as a CNA/Medaide
-Feeling inadequate at my job
-Feeling like my purpose was to do something else in life
-Quitting my job at Bridegwood
-Starting college again
-Feeling overwhelmed and stressed with classes
-Still feeling like I wasnt doing what I was suppose to be doing in life while in college
-Traumatic summer of 2009 for my family
-Aftereffects of traumatic summer and quitting school

The summer of 2009 actually ended in the most amazing way!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus healed my mom and everything is how it should be! It is a miracle!!!!!! I am happy but also for some reason still doing things I did this summer to cope with the stress. I think my caffiene, fat, and calorie intake went up this past summer and just stayed up. I went to those things instead of God at times.

Now that I have quit school to pursue my dreams, I am happy, but also still afraid of the unknown. That has made me anxious and overwhelmed. I think I overloaded on starbucks this past week and caused massive pain in my left breast where my lump is. It's my fault.

Jesus has shown me the root of it all and the pattern in my life I keep going through. Age 25 might just be the age where everything surfaces and I am finally healed.

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